My life is in a great place right now and I could not complain. I have a wonderful family that is supportive of my goals, friends that I would be nowhere without. I am part of magnificent staff of colleagues and peers in the newsroom I can turn to help me along the way. Heck, this year has been great so far with currently going from copyeditor to being the new Arts page editor. I personally went from being the awkward gloomy person who seldom chatted with others I was to a confident individual who loves being around people and cares for them. I have been succeeding in my studies and have been seen as a great example by my family as the “last and new hope.” Everything has been on the up and up, yet something has finally hit me.
It is a terrifying and gorgeous realization. Today I looked at myself and said “There has to be more, right? I can do so much more. I still feeling like an aspect is missing. I have not reached my full potential.” I never in my life wondered this til now.
On the educational front, going from a college-ready English nerd in high school to a journalist was a long road and a rough one at best. Yet, I reached a place were I know what I want and how to get it, but my mind says “There is more.” Personally, there is. I want to advance my knowledge in more than one field and try new things and gain new experiences. I want to evolve my spectrum into a broader sense and less than a limited sense.
On the job front, I have very limited amount of work yet tons of volunteer work. I have worked before at under the table gigs involving working behind the scenes of a middle school library and doing various auto parts sales. I can not put those on a resume and it sucks to say the least. I constantly look for work with my minimal resume, and even if I get nothing back, I still continue on because I am still alive and must keep living. I would love a part time gig, either on the retail front or the writing front, but I also thought “maybe I should take my skills from education and tutor for English or be a teacher’s assitant.” I am ready to dive in head first into anything.
In a lesser yet embarassing notion, I also am not the best driver. In fact, I can not go in reverse or drive with anyone in the vehicle due to my personal problems. This is due to my anxiety issue that I rarely bring up or talk about. The fact that I can run the risk of someone’s life either outside or inside the vehicle, for lack of a better word, fucking terrifies me. Luckily, i am ready to acheive this goal soon to break out of my anxious nature.
But I need somehing more alongside this. I feel I have potential to do more than editing or writing. I can be a better person than confident self and give back more. I just want more than what others think I am capable of doing. I wanted to vent on the net since I usually do not. For this, I want to hear some feedback from readers and give me some advice on what to do and if you ever felt in the same position. It is just frustrating at the moment and would love some help.
Till the next rambling, readers.